


Hurt

by Ordinarily



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Death, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, Raph is hurting, Reminiscing, Season 4 Finale, Splinter's dead holy shit, Spoilers, i couldn't not write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 12:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10217861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ordinarily/pseuds/Ordinarily
Summary: He kept toying with the nozzle, unable to decide if he wanted to burn in the depths of hell or freeze in his own personal bath of liquid nitrogen.-Raph's point of view on Splinter's death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place right after Splinter's death, before the funeral.

He kept toying with the nozzle, unable to decide if he wanted to burn in the depths of hell or freeze in his own personal bath of liquid nitrogen.

Every time he shut his eyes, Splinter had two blades digging out his back, the contortion of agony on his father's face imprinted in his mind—carved in stone and there to stay for life. He could hear the sound of blades, followed dutifully by his cry of anguish.

Raph let out a noise—something between surprise and fear—and scrubbed at his face. He wanted to forget it so bad. If he could just ignore the shaking of his limbs and ringing in his ears and... sobs, he could be there for his brothers. He tried hard to be angry, tried to feel the pit of boiling rage in his blood stream, but it just wasn't there.

He sank into the tub, bringing his knees up to his chest and crying—sobbing loudly, the water mixing with his tears. There were gasps and chokes, and he knew that Mikey was probably listening to it all next door, trying to hold back his own tears.

Behind his shut eyes were images of his brothers; Leo's scream what he thought might be literal milliseconds before it happened, Donatello's heart-wrenching cries of protest and Mikey's expression of disbelief, almost appearing to not grasp the concept of their father actually being dead.

 

It was morbid, too. Repeatedly hit, slammed against the floor, gauntlet straight through his body, coming out the other side just to be sure. And the way Shredder paused, bathing in the glory of having killed his own brother. He truly _was_ sick, Raph thought, almost— _almost_ —feeling bad. The way he hurled Splinter's body off the building, like it was nothing but a ragged doll to be disposed of...

Raph threw up. Straight in the tub, through all his gasping and hyperventilating, and thought he might just pass out there and then. The water felt suffocating instead of calming, and he reached back to shut it off (after cleaning his mess).

He tried his best to do the only thing he could think of: breathing. It'd become an increasingly difficult task through his sputtering and gagging, and he forced himself to breathe slowly in through his nose and out through his mouth, focussing on the feeling of his lungs inflating and deflating. That, too, proved to be a strenuous feat when his diaphragm kept constricting to its own accord.

There were times when Splinter angered him—choosing Leo over him to be leader, insisting that he was in fact not being 'playful' with his brothers, being on his case for every little imperfection in his fighting, chastising him for his temper—but they all seemed so petty and pointless now.

Memories of Splinter explaining to him why sai were the perfect weapon for him and then training him to use them to an absolute perfection flooded his mind. Holidays and story times made their way to the front of his thoughts as he cracked a half-hearted smile at a particular memory. One where Mikey had ended up covered in strawberry ice cream and Splinter had said something about it being a 'sticky situation'. It really wasn't that funny—the line had been used many times before—but the mutant had seemed so proud of himself, a small smile playing on his lips and one of his ears twitching, that all four brothers erupted into fits of laughter, unable to stop for a solid five minutes.

_But now he was gone and they would never have one of those memories again._

"Dad," he croaked, his vision blurry again. He was cold now, goosebumps ravaging his flesh while he feebly tried to stand up. The furthest he got to were his knees, and he tried again, gripping the edge of the tub.

He absolutely hated feeling like this. Weak and pathetic were the same two words recurrently coming to mind. His body was covered in bruises and he was pretty sure there was a crack in his shell, but he was much too emotionally distraught to worry about his physical state.

He stared at the pile of gear on the counter for a long time—too long, probably, but who was counting?—until he decided, screw it, there was nothing in there that would hide parts he didn't want revealed.

So when there was a tiny knock at the door, followed by a soft "Raph", he swung open the door shamelessly to find Michelangelo, all big-eyed and quivering lip.

"I have to pee," he explained, but seemed to hesitate, shielding his eyes. "Are you _naked?"_

"Mikey, we don't wear clothes."

"I know, but..." the turtle trailed off, not able to come up with anything that would debunk his statement. "Are you okay?" he asked instead.

Raph almost contemplated it, before deciding that there was nothing to contemplate and Mikey would not like his answer. So he threw his arms around him instead, quiet cries sounding from him almost instantly.

"Neither am I," Mikey whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys holy shit they killed off Splinter


End file.
